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Tuesday, 31 March 2015

The first pancake...

I am considering posting an ad in the local paper...

     "Knight in shining armour required; has tool belt, answers to the name of Dave."

Why? Oh because me, in my grand idea of being independent, have found myself hanging two interior doors on my own, whilst making further lists for myself as I hang on to said doors in earnest.

"This shouldn't be difficult", my brain informs me as I order the doors...
"This is not hard", I think as I unpack the doors and gleefully throw away the exterior cardboard with wilful abandonment...
"This is educational," I ponder while admiring saws and planes in the DIY store...
"This is not beyond me", I consider as I YouTube how to hang a door...
"I'm screwed", I realise as I pretend to pose with the door against a now empty door frame...

To be honest I really wanted to do this alone. I wanted to be able to stand back, through wood shavings, sweat and varnish and say...'Yeah, I did that. I hung a door. And it looks straight'.

However, hanging doors is not a simple thing. It looks simple on the YouTube video, but actually it isn't. That is why carpenters are skilled people who know what they are doing, with the right tools...however, why is it that so many men are able to do this efficiently who aren't carpenters? Is it just practice? Are you taken to one side in your college years and given chances to practice these skills, just in case you use them in the future?

The man in the local DIY store asked me a couple of days ago if I made pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.
I looked at him with a saw in my hand a tad bemused, but he smiled encouragingly so I said yes, of course I did.
"Well, it's much like making pancakes." He said wisely.
"Oh? Mixture a bit too thick and disastrous?"
"More or less. The first one you make will not be perfect, however the rest are all fab."
"Great. So what you are telling me is that my first door will be crap."
He nodded and smiled, then left me with my thoughts.
Way to go local DIY store with the inspiring, motivational...You Can Do It speech...

Also, I am infuriated that I am struggling with this. I don't want to rely on calling a friend if I get into difficulties...I want to try some of these things on my own, I want to achieve these things...but bloody hell, I keep looking at this 6ft high piece of wood and thinking 'Oh bollocks, where the hell is that Knight in shining armour when I bloody need him?"

I am being so super careful with the measuring and cutting. So careful, I have had to cut it three times and it still doesn't fit...too nervous to cut too much. I have discovered a cheap alternative however, to a Black and Decker workmate... They are called the twins and they sit, balanced on the door on two dining room chairs while I saw...it really helps to steady it.

We are nothing, if not practical...

Alas, there is no such thing as a Knight, or a Prince, or Batman with a tool utility belt...so, best to just get on with it, and accept that my first door will be my worst.
So...anyone need their door hanging before I start on mine?




1 comment:

Biker said...

Local paper adverts for handyman